Interpersonal Conflict
More often than not, conflicts arise because of a clash of interest, actions or even due to a lack of effective communication.
I have an example which actually involves two of my good friends within my clique which I normally hang out with during my time as a student in NUS.
I shall address the parties involved as Jack and Jill. Jack was a fellow bandsman with the army band during my years in National Service. Jill apparently was a friend of Jessica who was her schoolmate in Junior College. My opinion on Jack was that he was an intelligent and amusing person who never fails to come up with a good joke. Jill, on the other hand was a bubbly person.
As a result, my group of friends from my course of study grew with the addition of the two of them. There were joy and laughter seen once the two were added to the clique. We studied and played together. Things were looking on the bright side until one fine day when things started to get ugly.
We were having lunch at that point of time and as usual, I was having bananas after my meal. Out of nowhere, Leonard made a joke out of the fruit. The males in our group being their usual self started to relate the bananas as a sensitive organ in the context of the male human reproductive health. The girls felt awkward upon listening to dirty jokes like this and soon started to avoid participating in the senseless conversation. Some of us stopped harping on the topic as we could sense the uneasiness from some of the girls. However, Jack with his playful nature, did not sense the state of the situation at which it has evolved to and continued playing around with the joke. After which, he shifted the focus on Jill and repeatedly mentioned in a joking fashion that Jill liked bananas. Oblivious to the fact that Jill was not open to such sensitive joke, Jill soon felt angry and started to ignore Jack from that day onwards.
Jack felt apologetic and made several attempts to seek for forgiveness but he was shunned by her each time they saw each other in school. The others tried to intervene and mediate talks between the two but nothing seemed to work out. For an entire semester, they did not utter a single word to one another. The problem was still left unsolved..
So dear readers, what do you think should be the best course of action taken to approach the issue? :p
posted by Sylvester Lee at
Sunday, August 29, 2010
12 Comments:
Wow, the situation described here is really troublesome to handle. The joke Jack made on Jill goes beyond her bottom line and that’s why she refused to accept Jack’s apologies several times.
Since Jack has been shunned by Jill several times when they met with each other in school, the face to face communication channel cannot be used any more. My suggestion is that Jack can actually write an apology letter and ask Jill’s best friend to pass to her. Apologies written in the form of a letter seem more sincere and the most important factor in resolving this conflict is actually Jack’s SINCERITY.
No Man is Infallible. And we should be generous to forgive others’ faults. If Jack is sincere enough and really want to restore his relation with Jill, I think Jill will give him an opportunity. Hope they can become friends again as before!
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Hi Sylvester,
Yours is another post that I've come in to read so many times...but I've been simply unable to formulate a reply to! Haha! This really is a most difficult conflict to resolve indeed!
Part of the problem lies in the fact that though the one originally "in the wrong" has apologised for his actions, the person who was "wronged" hasn't forgiven him and is instead giving him the cold shoulder. Hence the complicated issue of who's right and who's wrong now.
Ideally, Jill should forgive Jack and they should shake on it and be Friends Forever. But yes, I exaggerate.
Well, in this case...since Jack has tried all ways and means to make amends, we'll just have to give Jill time and space to come round and forgive him; instead of writing him off as a friend altogether.
(p.s. where did "Leonard" come from?)
Hi, Sylvester,
I could agree more with Nanhai's idea 'the face to face communication channel cannot be used any more'. The key of the problem is Jill because Jack has already showed sorry but she did not forgive. Obviously Jill got quite angry with Jack and she did not want to be friends with Jack anymore. I guess Jill probably thought Jack making fun with her and did not respect her. I think one way to resolve this problem is an apologize letter to explain that he does not intend to laugh at her and he is just joking and promise he wont do that again. As their friend, I think I will try to tell Jill that Jack does not mean to laugh at her because Jack is that kind of people who like joking and show as a third party friend, they wont take Jack's joke seriously and laugh at her. This can help her to get out of the hurt or burden of being laughed at.
Hi,
First of all, I have to mention that this is a well-developed essay with a clear sentences. The essay is concise and to the point with all the details intact. There was one grammatical mistake though. "the bananas as a sensitive organ" should be "banana" without as "s". Otherwise, it is wonderful. You describe Jill as bubbly right. I think bubbly means something like high-spirited. I am not sure it tally with the character in this conflict.
Answering the question, I think time is needed to bring down the tension first since Jill doesn't even want to talk about it. As a semester passed by, I guess she would not think so much about it. This would be a right time to talk about. He could either start talking to her on another topic and say "oh, I am sorry I made joke about the banana." Although it may seem insincere, it will make it easier to start a conversation. Otherwise, Leonard could talk to Jill begging for forgiveness to Jack. Leonard could explain to her that being a playful person, do not take his words seriously. I know he offended you, but he did not mean it. It might have helped a little bit. Afterward, Jack could personally apologize to her. Hope they are in good terms now.
Cheers,
Billet
Thanks, Sylvester, for presenting us with this concise and complete scenario. I like the way you describe it in detail and then posit the obvious question. The question, perhaps, could be made more specific: What should Jack do to rectify the situation?
For me the main problem here is the plethora of language mistakes. Please see below:
a) Jill apparently was a friend of Jessica who was... >>> Jill apparently was a friend of Jessica, who was...
b) Junior College >>> junior college (Please ask me about this in class.)
c) person who never fails >>> person, who never failed
d) , on the other hand was... >>> , on the other hand, was
e) There were joy and laughter seen once the two were added to the clique. >>> There was joy and laughter once the two of them joined the clique. (Ask me about this as well.)
f) However, Jack with his playful nature, did not sense the state of the situation at which it has evolved to and continued playing around with the joke. >>> punctuation?
g) After which, he shifted... >>> After that, he shifted....
h) The males in our group being their usual self started to relate .... >>> The males in our group, being their usual silly (?) selves, started to relate ...
i) Oblivious to the fact that Jill was not open to such sensitive joke, Jill soon felt angry.... >>> Who was oblivious? Jill was oblivious to Jill? (Ask me about this!)
You may need a blogging buddy to review your work before you post it.
Hi Nanhai,
I too feel that Jill should forgive Jack based on his sincerity. As mentioned 'No man is infallible', everyone does make mistakes and we should not condemn their actions because of that. Anyway, just to report a good news, their dispute has been peacefully resolved and I played a role in mediating the talks. :D
Cheers,
Sylvester
Hi May,
I too agree that it is a complicated issue to resolve. It actually does matter on the person's heart to condone such actions, whether there is a large capacity.. Anyway, if it was me, I would rather forgive the person and make more friends than foes.. :D
Cheers,
Sylvester
Hi Billet,
I am glad to say that the long time dispute has been peacefully resolved. I agree that time plays a key role in calming the situation. It does give both party ample time to think our their actions and in a way formulate a better solution to end this dispute. Anyway, thank for the solution posted. Greatly appreciated that.. :D
Cheers,
Sylvester
Hi Brad,
Thanks for the insightful comments with regards to the awkward grammatical expressions that I have made. I will take note of those :D
Cheers,
Sylvester
Hi Guo Chen,
I think after that issue, Jack knows his limits when comes to cracking jokes in front of Jill.. Anyway thanks for the insightful solution.. :D
Cheers,
Sylvester
Conflicts arise because of a clash of interest, actions or even due to a lack of effective communication and it is the best course of action taken to approach the issue.
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