When “East Meets West” goes wrong… :X

The incident took place recently, just a few weeks ago when I had a dinner appointment with a friend at a Chinese Restaurant. As usual, he was late and I was waiting patiently at the table. On my left, there was a Chinese family sitting at another table. Apparently, the table was occupied by a group of elderly. So any conversation that arose from that table could actually be overheard clearly. Everyone was dressed at their best. I noticed one of them was anxiously looking at his watch and was grumbling to the lady beside him about someone being late and that his behavior was totally unacceptable. It appeared to me that they were sort of expecting someone to arrive but the person was late. Amidst of all the conversation happening at the table, a young girl brought someone along and acknowledged the people sitting at the table. It was later known that the girl was named Joanne and her boyfriend was James.

At that point of time, I thought to myself that this could be a situation of a girl introducing her boyfriend to her family over dinner. To my surprise, my prediction was spot on. It turned out to be Joanne had brought her new boyfriend, James to attend the ‘meet the folks’ session for the first time. The male partner that the girl has brought was apparently an American. The moment once James greeted the girl’s parents, he immediately lurched forward to give them a kiss on the cheek. The girl’s father felt disgusted and immediately shoved the boyfriend away and shouted, “What do you think you are doing!” His thunderous voice soon filled the whole restaurant and all eyes were on that particular table.  Everyone was taken aback when the father actually flared up. James carried on to say that such interaction was considered normal back at his hometown.

Several attempts from the rest of the family were made to cool the situation and finally at long last, the family proceeded on with the dinner. At that time, I could sense the uneasiness in the girl and the situation definitely put her in a difficult spot. As seen from her facial expression that her parent’s reaction was not within her area of expectation. The matter was made worse when the boyfriend actually started eating once all the dishes had been served. Upon seeing this, both the parents were furious. They immediately left the table and walked away. It stirred up quite a huge commotion in the restaurant.

My interpretation of this whole incident was that James had not been equipped with the necessary cultural knowledge he should know of a typical Chinese family. He had unknowingly crossed many lines and that contributed to the build-up of pique in Joanne’s parents.

I went back home and gave a recount of the incident to my parents. Both my parents agreed with my interpretation and highlighted the following points:

Firstly, Chinese family actually places heavy emphasis on moral and cultural values like punctuality and this is especially true in the context when the male is meeting the girl’s parents for the first time. Chinese view the value of punctuality more than anything. By being late for the first meeting, the male has actually disregarded the important cultural value which Chinese adhered strongly to.

Secondly, it did not come across to James that Joanne came from a conservative Chinese family. Naturally, Joanne’s family was not receptive to such warm and passionate greetings from James. James originated from America and the greeting culture from Western countries differed significantly from Asian cultures especially the Chinese. A handshake would suffice to avoid cultural misunderstandings for a formal meeting.

Lastly, James had actually skipped the part of addressing everyone at the table to eat. In the setting of a traditional Chinese family dinner, Chinese usually have the culture of asking everyone at the table to eat, starting from the most senior member of the family right to the person that is the youngest. The process is repeated until everyone at the table has been acknowledged. This was basic table manners and respect for elders at the dining table for the Chinese.

Hence, I honestly believed that, had James known how to bridge intercultural differences and be more sensitive towards other cultures and his actions, none of those would have happened. :/